Hi Everyone! I'm Becca and my little piece of the Blogosphere is @ Three Plus Me. I'm a mom to three, a wife to one, and a former high school teacher who loves to drink tea and talk. Five years ago, I became a mom. Five years ago, I was still in college and had no clue what I was getting myself into. My own relationship with my mother is a strained one. Growing up I was terrified of repeating the cycle of becoming my own mother. Five years ago, that fear was faced and when the ultrasound tech said, "It's a Boy." I was so relieved. I was relieved because the cycle of not being present would not be there. I would have a son and I would certainly not be my mother.
"Big D and Little D both amazing big brothers"
That all changed six months ago when I became a mom to a girl. I was so scared that once I learned she was a girl, I cried. Instead of being happy and ready for another female to help me stay sane in a home with all boys, I cried. I cried because I didn't want to have the relationship my mother had with me. I didn't want my daughter to not know that she was loved or have my daughter feel as if I would never be there for her. I cried because I am not close to my mom and what if she grew up to hate me? All of my worries engulfed me, and for the first few weeks, I was convinced the tech was wrong. Slowly, I grew to love her and to love the bond we are going to have.
"Baby G five days old"
Being a mother to a girl is a totally different world to me. I have no girl toys in the house. Dolls are not in my sons' vocabulary and before Baby G was born I didn't even know how to change a girl diaper. But now, I am a pro. I love having her close to me and I love watching the boys interact with her. My hope is that Baby G and I will be close, we don't have to be Loralei and Rory close but I would love to be the first to hold her babies and the first person to help her try on her wedding dress. My mother was not there for either of these events. I never talked to my mom about my future goals and when I walked across that stage Magna Cum Laude, my mother never saw me. I want to be present in Baby G's life, I'd like to be her person. I want to help her get ready for her wedding and I'd love to hear about her dreams for her future. I did not have my mother present in my life, but the women role models who were present taught me how to love, how to forgive, and how to be a strong woman. Passing on these strengths to Baby G is important to me.
"Baby G is comfy in the Ergo"
The boys have a fierce and loyal love. A love that can only be between siblings. They are so proud to call her their sister and they love to cuddle with her and to sit with her and play. They cater to her every need and when she begins to wail, they make sure I know about it. They love her more than I ever thought was possible and Baby G brought a sense of calm to the chaos in our family.
"They loved meeting her"
I was nervous to be the mother of a girl. I was nervous that I would project my tense relationship worries onto her. Now, I am no longer worried. My relationship with my mom is not my relationship with my daughter and I understand that. Baby G has taught me so much. I love holding her and dressing her up in cute dresses. I can't wait to share her birth story with her and I love her temperament. She is so mellow and so calm. Her hair sent me for a loop. Curly, raven black hair, that I love putting up in bows, surrounds her head. Baby G has a loud voice and makes her presence known.
"5 Months Old"
The last six months have changed me completely. Baby G did not make me a mom; her brother was the first to call me mom. Baby G made me a Girl Mom. A title that I will always cherish. She is my first daughter and she has taught me that I want to break down the wall of tense relationships and hard hearts. I will forever remember holding her in my arms and whispering the words, "I love you," for the first time.Baby G has changed my outlook on being the mother of a girl and someday when she becomes a mom, I hope she will remember that her mom taught her how to love unconditionally. No longer am I the mom with two sons, I am now proudly a mother to three- my two sweet boys and my beautiful Baby G.
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us Becca. It was such a beautiful reminder of how the past does not determine the future. Overcoming a fear that holds so many captive is a story that needs to be shared.
Make sure you stop by Three Plus Me to read more about Becca, Baby G and her boys.