Sarah is a former teacher, turned stay-at-home mom of four little ones. They range in age from six-two. She spends her days homeschooling, checking Instagram, and doing laundry. During nap times and into the wee hours of the night she writes. You can follow her journey through motherhood and adoption at Abiding In Grace
My husband and I kept the gender of our third child a secret. Only the ultrasound technician and the bakery knew. We had it written on a piece of paper and put it in an envelope. We drove straight from the doctor’s appointment to the pastry shop that afternoon. They would be making our “Gender Reveal” cake. You should have seen the looks of delight as I walked in with my request!
That evening our friends and family joined us as we cut the cake. When I pulled out the knife, I saw the pink frosting and my heart stopped. I cut the slice so all could see: It’s a girl! Everyone shouted.
My two boys ran around the room having fun with the balloons, oblivious to the fact that their world of cars and trains were going to be invaded with baby dolls and ponies. My dad teared up. I suddenly went from a boy-mom to a girl-mom in a matter of seconds. I touched my belly in joy and anxiety all wrapped up together.
After two boys, we were thrilled. My husband was nervous and excited. With only one brother, he knew nothing about raising little girls. I had two sisters and during high school babysat a lot of different little girls. I wasn’t so nervous. I was just excited to finally get to buy all of the accessories! I mean All. The. Accessories! From the shoes, to the bows, to the socks, to the jewelry - I was ready to buy all things PINK!
Our sweet, fiery princess is now 2, almost 3. Her personality is just starting to emerge. In some ways, she is nothing like me. According to my mother, I was a compliant little girl who loved to help. My Emmalia is loud, defiant, and so very independent. In other ways, it is like looking in a mirror as I study her movements and hear her speak.
We welcomed our second daughter into our life this past March, I feel like I am treading unknown waters again. Liana grew in our hearts for fifteen months and joined our family through the blessing of adoption. Parenting an adoptive child is different, and once again I pray to God for wisdom and strength. As I think about parenting girls, fear sometimes threatens to overwhelm me.
I fear that I won’t be able to teach them all that they need to know. A little girl needs so much from her mother. I am supposed to be the one who guides her through dresses and baby dolls. From friends to boys. It is my job to show her love and how to keep her heart pure. I feel the weight of responsibility almost daily.
I fear that we are so different that we will never relate to each other. Emmalia is the third, while I am a first-born. She has two brothers who are older and I have one younger brother. She is so passionate and strong-willed. I am a people-pleaser to the core. My adoptive daughter is Chinese. Her beginnings are clouded with questions that I'm afraid I will not be able to answer. Will we have anything in common?
I fear that the pitfalls of life will overcome them. My older daughter lives her life in a whirlwind. She throws herself into all that she does with vigor and all the strength her tiny little body can manage. Will her passion get her into trouble as she grows? Will she fall from her desire to always fly so high? My younger daughter may struggle with some physical needs. I want to guide both of them through all of the pitfalls of life. But I feel so inadequate.
As my first-born was jumping on my bed this morning, with her wild curly blond hair tumbling around her face, I smiled with a sense of peace and pride. I soaked in all of her two-year-old-ness. She is so giggly and fun. Her zest for life is contagious! You can't help but smile as you watch her face light up with the simple things. She loves hugs, cuddling, and doing things on her own. As she jumped high into the air, I saw her crazy, self - right there in front of me - and I rejoiced.
I Thessalonians 5:18 - in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”
I give thanks to God for His wisdom. I don’t have all of the answers they will need as they navigate the rough waters of life. What I do have, I can offer them. I have God and His Word. I will gladly share Him with both of my daughters. I pray that they will know Him early and learn to lean on Him.
I rejoice in our differences. We are so different, yet we will grow to be more alike as the years go on. I've seen it with my own mother and sisters. I know that the possibility is there. We will love each other through the conflict that I'm sure is to come. I never thought I would take after my own mother as I was growing up. Yet, my husband is always telling me that I sound and act just like her. Our differences will draw us together.
I will praise God for their personalities. Each day Emmalia exhibits such a wild passion for life. She is not afraid to tell me that she doesn't like something or doesn't want to do something. She is always willing to tell me what she wants. My prayer is that God will reign in her passion and use it for His glory! I am excited to discover Liana’s personality as she grows. And I have confidence that God will equip me to be her mother. I ask God to give me just the right words to show her that she is loved so very much. When they both learn to yield their lives to Him, they will do marvelous things for His kingdom.
God has given me all that I need to be able to mother to both of my darlings. I need only rest in Him and continue to seek after Him: replacing fear with praise.
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Sarah thank you so much for sharing this post with us. The fears of your heart echo the fears that so many mothers struggle with. This was a beautiful reminder that God calls us to a life of praise and not fear. A life of worshiping and trusting in the one who holds all things together.
Sarah's blog has been such an encouragement to my heart. Make sure you stop by to read more about her family and follow along.
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